Something Smells

found originally at  Courtney Hentz (CHentz@spinner.com) Specifications are for the weak and timid! This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need quad PowerPC processors if I am to do battle with this code! You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon. Indentation?! I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull! What is this talk of `release'? Klingons do not make software `releases'. Our software `escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake. Klingon function calls do not have `parameters' - they have`arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code! By filing this bug you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die...

!WARNING! If you're not a major nerd or geek you won't get these jokes! Recently a friend of mine sent me some funny additions to the Shoot Yourself in the Foot! list. The list is a humours look a the logic you might need to "shoot yourself in the foot" in different programming languages. Here are his suggestions: Python You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the gun refuses to go off because it doesn't have appropriate space around it. Perl You quickly create your own gun and shoot yourself in the foot. Witnesses are unable to explain what happened. No one else can figure out how to use the gun. JavaScript Your prototype gun admirably shoots feet during testing, but in production many users' hands are incompatible Flash As you pull the trigger, the gun's barrels surge impressively to life. The muzzles flash, smoke billows, and the ring of pounds of expelled brass is barely audible over the deafening gunfire. A...

I recently read a hilarious article, " Asshole Driven Development ." The author, Scott Berkun, takes a cynical look at the abundance of acronyms in the software engineering field. Along the way he uncovers a few insights that, while very cynical, ring true. In addition to Scott's funny acronyms many users have added additional goodness. One anonymous post read: How about CPT (Can’t Polish a Turd) development, This is where management cannot understand the need to stop and fix/clean up/refactor or start again. I saw this post and wondered if we hadn't worked together! I've polished many turds in my time, a few were my own, and let me tell you...it's not easy. The fact is, these turds never really shine. Sure, sure...wet em down a bit...put em in the right light and they seem to shine. Heck...we have well paid people (some brilliant) that spend most of their time putting turds, in the right light. But, in the end a turd by any other name is still crap. So why ...